


Don't Worry Gwen, I Hear It's Good Luck

by bubbleslayer



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-07
Updated: 2011-04-07
Packaged: 2017-10-17 17:37:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/179403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubbleslayer/pseuds/bubbleslayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwen is being Gwen.  Jack sets her straight on a few things, as does Myfanwy.</p><p>Set post Exit Wounds but before Children of Earth</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Worry Gwen, I Hear It's Good Luck

**Author's Note:**

> This contains some (well, okay a lot of) Gwen bashing. You have been warned.

Ianto watched through the opening as Myfanwy took flight. Her grace never ceased to amaze him. She’d spend a few hours flying along the beaches, or over the fields, picking up a snack here or there, before returning to the Hub.

He started to climb back down to the Hub proper but stopped when he heard Gwen’s voice. She was arguing with Rhys again. She’d been taking out her anger and grief on her husband; everyone could see that, everyone except Gwen of course. From the sounds of it, Rhys was out with Banana Boat and would be home late. Gwen was in a right snit over this, calling Rhys a hypocrite for all the times he’d gotten on her case over working late. Ianto cringed as Gwen slammed the phone down on her husband, in what he figured to be, mid-sentence.

Gwen shoved the phone off of her desk and then with a sweep of her arm, cleared it of the rest of its contents. Ianto sighed as she ran out of the room in the direction of Jack’s office. Some things never changed. Make a mess, and leave it for Ianto to clean up. He cringed at the sound of her stomping feet on the metal steps; honestly, she sounded like an angry five-year old in the middle of a tantrum.

He resumed his climb down and made straight for her desk, righting the phone first, because it wouldn’t do to leave the line open like that. Then he gathered the papers and attempted to put them back into some semblance of order.

Gwen was now taking out her anger about Rhys on Jack, who could be heard making platitudes. Ianto smiled to himself when he noted that the tone Jack was using was the one he used when he wasn’t really paying attention. He probably had one ear on Gwen and one eye on the expense reports he’d been told he had to finish by the time they left that evening, in order to avoid some dire consequences. Gwen’s rants had become more and more frequent since Tosh and Owen’s deaths, and while at first he’d accepted they were part of her grieving process, they’d gotten very old, very quickly.

Once her desk was tidy, well, tidier, Ianto went and made coffee for them all, using the ritual of espresso to calm him before stepping into the dragon’s den.

He balanced the tray on one hand and raised the other to give a polite knock on the door frame, but froze at the scene in front of him.

Gwen was seated on Jack’s desk, just next to his right hand, in what Ianto considered ‘his’ spot. He couldn’t see Gwen’s face, but he could see Jack, and Jack looked…well, the way Jack normally looked when Ianto himself was in Gwen’s position.

He watched in horror as Gwen placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder and leaned in, her intent unmistakable. Gwen was going to kiss Jack, and Jack was apparently going to kiss her back.

He thought about storming in and stopping them, but figured it was inevitable, and even if he stopped it now, it would just happen some other time. He also though about turning tail and heading down to the Archives, his safe haven, and hiding out among the detritus of Torchwood. But he didn’t, he stood rooted to the spot, watching his worst fear come true.

He watched as their lips met, as Gwen angled her head a little to create better contact, as Jack’s hands slid up her arms to pull her close…

He was turning away, no longer able to stomach the death of the one last good things in his life when he heard Gwen give a squeak, quickly followed by a thud. He chanced a look inside to find that Gwen was no longer perched on Jack’s desk, but was instead on the floor, only the top of her head visible from this angle.

“What the hell are you doing Gwen,” Jack asked in what sounded like a disbelieving voice. Ianto, intrigued by the turn of events stepped to the side of the doorway where he could hear, but not be seen.

“I, uh, I thought…”

“Thought what Gwen? That because your husband is out with his mates for a little fun, you should have some of your own? That I’d be willing to do that to Rhys, let alone Ianto?”

It sounded like Jack was pacing now, his voice getting louder and softer as he moved around the room.

Gwen’s voice took on her ‘innocent little girl lost’ tone, the one that set Ianto’s teeth on edge, like too much sugar.

“Oh come on, Ianto knows you Jack, knows you’re not a one person kind of guy. I, I just thought, that you wanted me too. That, finally, we could have what we’ve both wanted since we first met.”

Silence followed that statement; he couldn’t even hear Jack pacing anymore.

“I’ll admit Gwen, once upon a time, yes, you intrigued me, and I wanted you. But that’s in the past. That was before I knew Rhys, knew what a good guy he was. He doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve you. First Owen, now me. Who’s next? Ianto? Andy?”

Gwen made a sound that could only be called a growl that was followed by the sound of skin meeting skin, a slap.

“How dare you. You’re a hypocrite Jack bloody Harkness. You flirt with everything and everyone, even me, don’t deny it. Excuse me for thinking that you might actually plan to follow through on it.”

The sound of pacing resumed, and from the cadence it was Gwen this time, not Jack.

“Gwen, I am sorry if I’ve given you the wrong impression, but I’d think after three years you’d realize that flirting is like breathing to me. It’s just who I am, but I never follow through on it. In all the time you’ve known me, how many sexual partners do you think I’ve had? Huh? How many?”

Silence followed the question. Ianto was curious as to the answer. He trusted Jack, but a small part of him always wondered, wondered if he was enough for Jack.

“No response Gwen? Well, I’ll tell you. One. It’s been Ianto and no one else since I hired him. Surprised?”

Ianto was pretty sure that, if at that moment, someone dropped a pin up on the Plas; they’d hear it in the Hub.

“None? But, but..”

“Flirting and fucking are two entirely different things Gwen. At least they are to me. You apparently, not so much. Now go, get out of here, take the night off. I don’t care where you go; I just don’t want you here. I promise to never bring this up again if you don’t, but don’t think for a second I plan to keep it from Ianto. I owe it to him as his boss, his friend, and his partner.”

Ianto slipped around a corner as a stunned Gwen walked out of Jack’s office. He watched as she gathered up her coat and bag and left through the cog door. Ianto wasn’t so shocked by the evening’s events that he missed the fact that Gwen hadn’t even noticed that her earlier mess had been cleaned up.

He finally entered Jack’s office to find his lover seated behind his desk, watching Gwen leave on the CCTV. Ianto used to be so jealous of Gwen when Jack did that, watching her come and go, but now he realized he’d just been a silly git. He set the tray with the now cold coffees on Jack’s desk and moved behind the chair. He reached around the back of the chair and began to massage Jack’s extremely tense shoulders.

“Ianto,” Jack started.

Ianto placed a light kiss on Jack’s temple.

“It’s alright Cariad, I heard everything.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what? Being you? Gwen took liberties she shouldn’t have. You put a stop to it. End of story. I’ll admit I’m a little shocked that there hasn’t been anyone else since you hired me. We didn’t even actually have sex until after Suzie died…the second time.”

“Sex, no. But we had some rather intense foreplay. Months and months of foreplay.”

Ianto could hear the smile in Jack’s voice, and felt the tension begin to ease in his partner’s shoulders.

“Ianto, what we have, what’s between us, I’m selfish about it. Maybe if I’d been a little more open about it, shown everyone that it was more than just shagging Gwen wouldn’t have gotten so confused.”

Ianto laughed and pulled the chair back so he could straddle Jack’s lap. He placed a hand on either side of Jack’s face and leaned in for a long, deep kiss to reassure his lover. He told himself he was doing it to comfort Jack, but a small part of him was willing to admit that he wanted to eradicate all traces of Gwen on his Jack.

“Jack, have I ever given you the impression that you don’t give me everything I need? Unlike Gwen, I don’t need loud declarations and showy public displays of affection. I know you care for me, you tell me and show me in thousands of little ways every single day.”

Ianto held Jack’s gaze for a few seconds before he cracked up, giggling like a school girl, and hanging onto Jack to keep from falling to the floor.

“Oh, Jack, that was just about the sappiest thing I have ever said. I blame you and your romantic comedy addiction.”

Jack had joined in the laughter, but Ianto could still see some guilt lingering in his eyes.

“That doesn’t mean that I didn’t mean what I said, just that I could’ve found a, well, manlier way to say it.”

The guilt left Jack’s eyes and as the laughter died away he glanced at the CCTV screen.

“What do we do about Gwen? She’s going to be rather sore over all of this. Can you still work with her Ianto?”

Ianto thought it over for a minute, then nodded.

“Yes, I can. My mother taught me from a young age that the best revenge is to kill someone with kindness. I’m going to treat her like a princess, and hopefully it’ll make her feel like absolute shite. If she even notices that is.

“I’ve watched her moon over you from day one. I made my peace with her feelings for you a long time ago. It was just yours I wasn’t so sure about. Now, don’t get all in a tizzy, Jack. I never thought you’d do anything behind my back, but I honestly thought you had feelings for her.”

Jack looked back at the screen; Gwen could be seen standing on the Plas, looking out at the Bay.

“I care for her, but not the way she wants me to. Sure, there have been times in my life when sex didn’t mean affection, but there have been other times, like now, when I can’t and won’t separate the two. Now who’s being sappy?”

Ianto was leaning in for another kiss, when he caught movement on the CCTV screen out of the corner of his eye. It had almost looked like Myfanwy had flown in front of the camera. He turned his full attention to the screen just in time to see that it was in fact Myfanwy, and she was circling the Plas, circling Gwen.

In the blink of an eye the pterosaur slowed down, seemed to hover over Gwen, and then shat all over her.

Ianto was on his feet in seconds and out the door to the Plas. He may be angry with Gwen right now, but he wouldn’t wish pterosaur shite on his very worst enemy. It smelled, and it could be very irritating to the skin.

He could hear Jack behind him the entire way to the Plas and they stopped in tandem just feet from where a wailing Gwen was kneeling.

He approached her slowly.

“Gwen, we need to get you inside and cleaned off, that stuff can leave some nasty welts on your skin.”

Gwen stopped sobbing and looked up at him. The shite was in her hair, running down her face, and he cringed when he noticed that it had even gotten into her mouth.

She looked from Ianto, to Jack, and back to Ianto before nodding and holding out a hand for help up.

Ianto hesitated only a second before taking the hand and pulling her to her feet.

Jack kept his distance, but Ianto could tell it wasn’t out of fear of getting shite on him; it was because he was grinning like a loon. Jack stayed behind Gwen but reached out a hand to pat gently on a shite free spot on her shoulder.

“Don’t worry Gwen, it’s good luck to get shat on by a bird. And if that’s good luck, imagine what fortune pterosaur shite can bring.”

Gwen just raised her chin and walked towards the invisible lift with as much dignity as she could, which; given her earlier actions and shite covered state wasn’t much.

Ianto and Jack followed her, hand in hand.

end


End file.
